Author’s Note

As a child, I was adventurous. Walls were my canvases and the street was my playground. But growing up brought new lessons: to be safe meant to be in control. This mindset sprouted during a turbulent time for my family. In 1999, amidst Indonesia’s financial crisis, my younger brother was born, and my role became one of example and protector. My choices, even as a child, became measured, especially as financial worries deepened. 

By 14, I was so used to hearing my parents worry about money and prices that my focus became to help them secure a stable future, leading me to seek a full scholarship abroad. At the age of 16 I moved out of my country with all of my things packed into a suitcase. For the next 10 years I continued to live in different cities in different countries still with a single suitcase. Those 10 years solidified my belief in control.

When covid happened, I returned home at 26. I found myself in a secure yet unsettling space. Despite the pandemic, my life was stable yet I lose more and more sight of my core identity. The next 3 years, through therapy and support from my family and Fanny, who is now my wife, I reconnected with myself and my inner child. I am good with safety. My inner child is good at being brave. To live fully, we need to coexist.

Somewhere Personal speaks to this journey: the universal struggle of reconciling our defense mechanisms against life with our primal desires granted at birth. I hope this story inspires readers to embrace their own neglected parts and live life as their fullest selves.